Tough Love.

Today, I am 11 DPO.
Today, I am NOT pregnant.
Tomorrow? Who knows?

I know that many of you have an "I'm sorry" at the ready to post, the very moment you finish reading this post, and I politely ask that you do not. I don't doubt that you'd mean it, that's not it. I don't want you to feel bad for me, because there's no reason to. A large portion of infertility is not within your control. For my PCOS, I can improve things by losing weight. I'm doing that, and that's about all I can control.

As for the other stuff surrounding my diagnosis? How would it benefit me to worry all the time, or to take pity on myself? Misery is not fucking cathartic. By its own definition, it's a state or feeling of great distress or discomfort of mind or body - and that's pretty much the antithesis of catharsis.

Big. Words. Translation? It doesn't feel good to feel sad.

Sympathy has never really gone that far with me. I don't need my friends to feel sorry for me, or feel bad because my ovaries are full of dots... I just need my friends, in general. I do not feel an ounce of resentment for the people who have gotten pregant before me. I will need their experience and wisdom some day!!

If anything, I am angry.

The HSG I will have to have with my RE isn't covered, at all. No infertility testing or procedures are covered. The things I've read online tell me that it will cost me approximately 1000 dollars out of pocket. If I had both tubes, I'd be tempted to hedge my bets and not have it done - but that's not my situation. I know that's flameworthy and I don't care. Maybe I'll have a bake sale and sell muffins for the sake of my muffin. The point is, it SHOULD be covered. The fact that insurance companies would deny a diagnostic procedure that isn't being done for any cosmetic reason, is disgusting - but it's not something I can control in the present. (**I will also disclaim now that any attempt to debate politics/healthcare in this or any post will be ignored and probably deleted, so don't even try - that's not what this blog is here for.)

Don't mistake this post or the sentiments within for impassivity, because it's not. I'm very concerned about my infertility, and what I need to do to get pregnant. It's just not worth the gloom and doom I think some people expect me to have over it.