Trapped In The Closet

I've seen a lot of people on the internet ask "How did you tell people you were trying to get pregnant?". The question always turns up a lot of answers, none of which fail to astound me. I guess I just don't get the reason that you'd share this little bit of information with your nearest and dearest. I figure by NOT telling them, they will...

1. Be pleasantly surprised when we announce a pregnancy
2. Be saved the mental imagery of all that human conception entails

Right? Fairly sure most people know how babies are made, they don't need to know if and when I'm starting that process. I don't want friends and family to ask me how "trying" is going, and I wouldn't want them to freak out if I didn't get pregnant right away. I can only imagine the whispers of concern in emails to aunts and cousins, people wondering if everything was OK and whose "fault" not getting pregnant yet, was.

Obviously early in, I could not have foreseen how long it would take us to get pregnant. All of what I listed above - aside from basically announcing that my spouse would be ejaculating inside me on the regular) could have been a moot point. But my opinion remains, I don't think people need to know.

There's a flipside to all of that, though - which makes going through IF a very lonely thing. Since my family doesn't really know that we're trying - and that I have a diagnosed issue that is causing us difficulty - so I can't really "explain away" the bad days.

My cousin might not realize that I'm so sick and tired of seeing her post 10 pictures of her daughter on Facebook EVERY. SINGLE. DAY... Because I want to have a baby so badly. My in-laws announce every new baby/pregnancy with such joy and elation and expect me to return the sentiment (even when I don't really want to and there's no way they could fathom that unless they KNEW). I've never had to explain my behavior to anyone except my husband - I really try to keep what few meltdowns I've had between he and I... But I fear that one day I'm going to either have to fess up, or explain it away as just being in a bad mood/megabitch.

Just got my doctor's orders for Cycle 10. This time will be with 100 mg of Clomid + Trigger (Ovidrel). I will call my RE's office on CD12 for my first ultrasound. Hopefully all of this plays well into the vacation we've just planned. After a discussion with my husband, we thought it'd be a good idea to get away for a couple of days, just the two of us. Maybe this will be it.