I've officially fallen out of love with my hometown. We're back for the holidays, visiting family we haven't seen since Thanksgiving - and all I want to do is go home. I feel like being here is forced, and I don't want to do it. The first thing I did after plugging in the computer was look to see if there were any Greyhound buses going back to Cleveland any time tomorrow - there aren't, by the way.
We're going home on Christmas afternoon anyway, but as of this moment I am just so tired of being here - with the illogicality of a weepy three year old. No, seriously... I am tearing up as I write this! I almost broke into a sobbing "I wanna go home" whine when we were in the car heading back from dinner.
Last month's Clomid cycle was a bust. We aren't doing IUI yet - to me that's my last resort (we will not do IVF) but just timed intercourse. I did not ovulate from the side with a tube, which isn't to say that the tube couldn't have swept over to the opposite side to pick up the egg (yes, this happens) but it just didn't. I'm doing the same dosage of Clomid with TI again, but this time it has made me emotional. Very, very emotional - and I'm only on day 3/5 of the stuff. I hope that this cycle is "our cycle" because I don't feel like I could handle any more feeling the way I do.
My last cycle was pretty good. I did not temp, but I had a respectable luteal phase and a good, strong ovulation. I didn't have any mood swings - just hot flashes, dehydration and fatigue. Honestly, not a big deal to me. I'd rather be sleepy than turn into a monster.
This trip (so far) has been way too much for my tiny mind to handle. I feel like hiding until it's time to open presents, after which I would scurry to my car and get the fuck out of town. I know how completely selfish and bitchy this sounds, I do. The whole point of this blog is to document my thoughts. This isn't some pastel-drenched, poorly coded website where everyone feel obligated to write out "I love you" in cursive with their tongue on some stranger's chocolate starfish. Not today.
There comes a point when I know I'm being an asshole and I've fully reached that point. This makes me want to clam up and not say a word to anyone for fear of the unintended snark that might flow from my mouth. As soon as I'm done typing up this entry I'll probably go hide in the bedroom with Netflix until I pass out from exhaustion.
I had to rant, so I ranted. There it is. I hope everyone is having a better day than I am.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
Congestion
I had two drafts set and ready to go for this blog that were written about 2 weeks ago. The fact is, I've been ridiculously busy, and this blog just wasn't a priority. We just moved into a newer, bigger place and most of my free time has been taken up with that. I've also been sick with a sinus infection.
Anyway... Let's talk about the HSG.
A hysterosalpingogram (HSG) is an X-ray test that looks at the inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes and the area around them. It often is done for women who are having a hard time becoming pregnant.
During a hysterosalpingogram, a dye (contrast material) is put through a thin tube that is put through the vagina and into the uterus. Because the uterus and the fallopian tubes are hooked together, the dye will flow into the fallopian tubes. Pictures are taken using a steady beam of X-ray (fluoroscopy) as the dye passes through the uterus and fallopian tubes. The pictures can show problems such as an injury or abnormal structure of the uterus or fallopian tubes, or a blockage that would prevent an egg moving through a fallopian tube to the uterus. A blockage also could prevent sperm from moving into a fallopian tube and joining (fertilizing) an egg. (via WebMD)
If your doctor is considering Clomid or any other fertility drug/treatment for you, this procedure is one of the first things you should have done. Why? Consider the following, at the very least. Let's say that your OB wants to put you on Clomid, a powerful medicine that essentially stimulates ovulation. What if your tube(s) is/are blocked? Considering that there's a suggested lifetime limt of 6 (or 12, it depends on who you ask) doses of Clomid because there are studies that suggest an overuse of the medication can greatly increase your chances of ovarian cancer. You're essentially wasting your time.
When I started on this "journey" (I seriously hate calling it that) I drank the kool-aid and did a round of Clomid without any testing, even before my PCOS diagnosis - and that's wrong, wrong. You should be asking your doctor about a semen analysis for your husband/partner/donor and an HSG for you. If there is a male fertility issue then Clomid won't do shit for you. See above for why you should have an HSG. See below, in fact.
I had a blockage. My one and only tube was completely blocked when I had my HSG.
Now, a trip report. I scheduled my HSG for cycle day 9. They want to make sure you're absolutely not pregnant, and not in your fertile window before performing the test. Despite having a ridiculously heavy period and telling them so, I had to provide a urine sample for a pregnancy test. That kind of irked me, honestly. I'll be charged 10-12 bucks to pee on a Wondfo. Thanks.
Guess what? I was totally not pregnant. I know, you're as shocked as I am.
Then I took the test results and a copy of my requisition to the Radiology department. Once they called me back, I changed into a hospital gown and was taken to a room with a flat table and an x-ray machine in it. My RE and a Radiologist were there, and they explained the procedure to me.
I would start out with my knees up (no stirrups) and they would insert a speculum. After that a catheter and balloon would be inserted into my cervix. They explained that the catheter would likely be the most painful part of the procedure. Then they would use the x-ray machine above me to take pictures as they injected the dye through the catheter to see the shape of my uterus and status of my tube.
Once they did the speculum/catheter part, I put my legs flat down on the table for the rest of the procedure. They were shocked that I carried on a conversation with them as they inserted the catheter. I personally felt no more discomfort than I would during a pap. The pain during the dye portion of the procedure however, was significant (7 out of 10).
As the dye made its way through my uterus toward my tube, it met a blockage. I didn't know that at first, I just knew that I was experiencing an inescapable pain like nothing else I'd ever felt before. The RE had me tilt to my right, and then to my left. Relief. The blockage cleared and the dye spilled from my tube. I was advised that the cycle following an HSG is usually very fertile - so that's good!
Just because I had a tremendous amount of pain doesn't mean you shouldn't have this procedure done. My insurance doesn't cover it, but the hospital is more than willing to discuss payment plans with me, so don't let that be a deterrant either. I wanted to give you my experience if only to let you know that it can be painful.
The good thing is, my tube is clear now. The bad news is, I wasted a cycle of Clomid. Here's hoping this is the magic cycle!
Anyway... Let's talk about the HSG.
A hysterosalpingogram (HSG) is an X-ray test that looks at the inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes and the area around them. It often is done for women who are having a hard time becoming pregnant.
During a hysterosalpingogram, a dye (contrast material) is put through a thin tube that is put through the vagina and into the uterus. Because the uterus and the fallopian tubes are hooked together, the dye will flow into the fallopian tubes. Pictures are taken using a steady beam of X-ray (fluoroscopy) as the dye passes through the uterus and fallopian tubes. The pictures can show problems such as an injury or abnormal structure of the uterus or fallopian tubes, or a blockage that would prevent an egg moving through a fallopian tube to the uterus. A blockage also could prevent sperm from moving into a fallopian tube and joining (fertilizing) an egg. (via WebMD)
If your doctor is considering Clomid or any other fertility drug/treatment for you, this procedure is one of the first things you should have done. Why? Consider the following, at the very least. Let's say that your OB wants to put you on Clomid, a powerful medicine that essentially stimulates ovulation. What if your tube(s) is/are blocked? Considering that there's a suggested lifetime limt of 6 (or 12, it depends on who you ask) doses of Clomid because there are studies that suggest an overuse of the medication can greatly increase your chances of ovarian cancer. You're essentially wasting your time.
When I started on this "journey" (I seriously hate calling it that) I drank the kool-aid and did a round of Clomid without any testing, even before my PCOS diagnosis - and that's wrong, wrong. You should be asking your doctor about a semen analysis for your husband/partner/donor and an HSG for you. If there is a male fertility issue then Clomid won't do shit for you. See above for why you should have an HSG. See below, in fact.
I had a blockage. My one and only tube was completely blocked when I had my HSG.
Now, a trip report. I scheduled my HSG for cycle day 9. They want to make sure you're absolutely not pregnant, and not in your fertile window before performing the test. Despite having a ridiculously heavy period and telling them so, I had to provide a urine sample for a pregnancy test. That kind of irked me, honestly. I'll be charged 10-12 bucks to pee on a Wondfo. Thanks.
Guess what? I was totally not pregnant. I know, you're as shocked as I am.
Then I took the test results and a copy of my requisition to the Radiology department. Once they called me back, I changed into a hospital gown and was taken to a room with a flat table and an x-ray machine in it. My RE and a Radiologist were there, and they explained the procedure to me.
I would start out with my knees up (no stirrups) and they would insert a speculum. After that a catheter and balloon would be inserted into my cervix. They explained that the catheter would likely be the most painful part of the procedure. Then they would use the x-ray machine above me to take pictures as they injected the dye through the catheter to see the shape of my uterus and status of my tube.
Once they did the speculum/catheter part, I put my legs flat down on the table for the rest of the procedure. They were shocked that I carried on a conversation with them as they inserted the catheter. I personally felt no more discomfort than I would during a pap. The pain during the dye portion of the procedure however, was significant (7 out of 10).
As the dye made its way through my uterus toward my tube, it met a blockage. I didn't know that at first, I just knew that I was experiencing an inescapable pain like nothing else I'd ever felt before. The RE had me tilt to my right, and then to my left. Relief. The blockage cleared and the dye spilled from my tube. I was advised that the cycle following an HSG is usually very fertile - so that's good!
Just because I had a tremendous amount of pain doesn't mean you shouldn't have this procedure done. My insurance doesn't cover it, but the hospital is more than willing to discuss payment plans with me, so don't let that be a deterrant either. I wanted to give you my experience if only to let you know that it can be painful.
The good thing is, my tube is clear now. The bad news is, I wasted a cycle of Clomid. Here's hoping this is the magic cycle!
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