Never Forget

I'm trying to make a promise to myself about how I'll act when I get pregnant. I've seen a lot of people who struggled months, or even years with infertility turn around and act as insensitively as those they admonished before they became pregnant. I get that it's got to be incredibly exciting, to -finally- be pregnant after all those months/years... I just think it's easy to forget how hard it still is for many people to bear the burden of infertility.

I'm really curious as to what other people think. I welcome all opinions. I certainly don't think people should refrain from discussing their pregnancies, I just tune out/skip their Facebook posts when it gets to me.

The thing is, I'd never say something to somebody. I've blocked images on Facebook if it bugs me too much. I'm a firm believer that you can't really tell someone to stop posting so many photos/updates about their pregnancy/baby without coming off like a serious asshole.

I guess you could buy this shirt and be passive-aggressive, though.

Just kidding. I do love that comic, though.

Open my legs? Close your mouth.

Not many people in my "real" life know that I'm trying to get pregnant - or that I've been trying for 17 months. The few that know have been very understanding and supportive, but they all gave me the same words of wisdom when I told them we're taking a break from treatments this cycle.

"You know, I got pregnant when I just stopped trying!"

 

For those of you who know someone struggling with infertility... Do NOT say this, even if it's true for you. The best thing you can seriously do, is listen to them. Listen, and do your best to be understanding. Chances are, you don't know what they're going through - even if you had to do some or all of the things they're doing.

 

It is never a good time to "me too" with someone dealing with infertility. You don't have the answer to the million dollar question. It's great that you got pregnant without even "trying" but I'd like to think that the tests I've had to do, the ultrasounds, the medications... I'd like to think they count for something, even though I never wanted to have to do any of it.

 

I've been told to get drunk, relax, and have fun. While I don't necessarily think that it's required to be drunk - I always relax and have fun when I have sex. I don't go screaming down the hallway to our living room where my husband is watching a television show, waving my arms violently like Kermit the Frog on a sugar bender shouting, "I HAVE A POSITIVE OPK! TAKE ME NOW!!!" or anything like that. As much as 17 (coming up on 18) months of trying kind of sucks, having sex will never not be fun for me.

 

But the notion that relaxing makes you pregnant is laughable. If you say this to me, to relax and it will "happen" I instantly think you have no idea what it's like, the stress of having to plan sex, to have ultrasounds multiple times during a cycle, to give yourself injections... Yeah, you have NO idea. If I have to get up at 6 in the morning to have an ultrasound, then wait another 6-7 hours to find out if I responded well enough to proceed... I am totally allowed to be a little stressed out about that. It's not the reason I'm not pregnant yet, though.

 

Like I said, be a good listener. If you're up for it, be their shoulder to cry on - be a good hugger. If they're under the care of an RE or have been trying for a while, chances are they've heard all of your old wives' tales, they know how to relax (and they know that doesn't get you pregnant - and they don't care that it worked for you/your friend/your mom's friend's mailcarrier) and they've probably gotten tipsy more than a few times in hopes they'll join the ranks of those who can say that they just "got drunk and had sex".